A Hard Days' Night

Been having a rough time lately folks, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I had surgery, still in stitches, actually. There have been so many things going on in my life lately and yet it all feels pretty meaningless.

As I sit here, halfway through this glass of wine, I'm pondering what I've done in my life, and what I'm willing to do, as well. So this blog is mostly me thinking aloud, if you will, and some of you may already be clicking away, and that's fine.

Now I know that this isn't my regular saucy post, but it's still me regardless.

In five years, I would like to have a home, a new car and someone to share it with, if at all possible. I come home at night to my dog, and while I'm beyond happy to see him, he can only fill so much of the void I feel. I've thought about getting back on stage, getting back into the comedy world.. maybe even produce some mini-series.. heck, I even tried awhile back if any of you remember, but we couldn't get our cast and crew to really put forth an effort, so we had to nix the project. I was deeply upset by it, but not because it was a failed effort (although that was part of it) but also because I had entrusted these people with my creative "baby" so to speak and they put it on the sidelines as if it weren't important to them. And I'm no Tracy Ullman. I can't do an entire show by myself. I mean, I could obviously try, but it wouldn't be very interesting.

This is a recurring theme in my life and I wish I knew how to correct it. If you have any ideas, please feel free to message me and let me know.

But I find myself, all too many times, putting much more faith in people than they end up being worth. I'm not saying that to be rude; I'm saying it to be honest with you and myself. People constantly let me down and yet I constantly let them. Maybe there is a romantic inside me, thinking that someone out there will appreciate the love and dedication that goes into making something work (whether it be a mini-series, a love relationship, a work relationship, a friendship, etc)..

So is it silly to expect anything from another human being? Maybe. But when I embark on a new venture, everyone who is along for the ride gets super stoked, but they all fall along the wayside and move on rather quickly.

Nobody is as passionate about your passion as you are, and I understand that, whole-heartedly. But why the interest and then sudden disinterest? Upset because creating entertainment takes a lot of hard work and dedication? Taking all the fun out of the end product by seeing the inner workings of how it becomes something?

It just dawned on me in this blog how much the entertainment business is like a relationship. Everyone is constantly trying to be remembered. To be the last thought in your mind before you go to bed at night. I'm starting to think it's the one thing that unites every human being on this planet.

Nobody wants to be forgotten. And if you have no one there to say "How could I ever forget you?" then there is a void in your existence.

I have no one like that. I feel that void in my life. I want to know someone will love me, regardless of my many quirks and kinks.

So, will I be forgotten? Will you be forgotten? Does it hurt your heart to think about it? If it does, then pour yourself a glass of red wine and have a toast with me. I wont forget you, friend.


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