Things to think about...

Soooo.

Bit of a problem. I'm single. Have been for a week or two now, and I honestly loved the guy. But I told him to not give me the chance to get over him, because once I did, there would be no going back. Well he has given me ample opportunity, and it's already happening. I'm already to the point that his absence in my life doesn't bother me anymore.

In fact, the guy that I've been good friends with for about 9 1/2 months.. and whose become one of my best friends.. well he was there for me while I was in this relationship.. I told him my worries, and let him see the "hidden" side of my mind, for lack of a better term. He tried to give advice to help me out, but it still wasn't enough to make the relationship last...

Well, let me give you a little background on my "behind the scenes" thoughts with this guy, whom we will refer to as Gaius Baltar. Because we can. Haha.

Anyway. The first day I met this guy, I jokingly told him we should get married... (but I actually liked him.. we hit it off really well within minutes) and he said okay. Haha. Well we've been friends ever since. I've divulged all my super ridiculous problems to him, and we shared our conspiracy theories, our love of scifi.. etc...

We even played BSG together, and he's come into Secondlife to hang out onboard the virtual ship Destiny from SGU. And we surf in this virtual world, visit the island of Santorini, etc.. it's great, because it's almost as good as it would be hanging out with him in person.

Well, a while back, we did some horoscope compatibility stuff between us, and we sounded like this amazingly sensual, deep couple... it was awesome.

So keep in mind I've always liked this guy.. and if he were in the same country as me, I totally wouldve tried to meet up with him already, no doubt.

Well, we were talking the other day and the conversation turned quite sexual. It was great. The following night we had a similar conversation..

So I've been seriously thinking on this. I've always had a thing for him and he knows it (and if he didn't, he does now) and I feel like I know him better than any guy I've ever known. He's the type of guy that CAN be trusted... I don't have to be jealous, or anything and that's awesome. I truly like him.

But I don't know for sure if I am ready for anything. I like our flirting fun that we have. I value his friendship more and more everyday. And out of all my friends, he's the one person I definitely can't do without. He's become a staple in my everyday life.

But it sucks, being hurt. I still go through all the emotions of it. And I don't want to weigh him down with that mess. Like I said, he's listened to enough of my problems..

But what if he's that bus I've been waiting for. The one bus that can take me home... If there is anything I have learned in my lifetime, it's that for people to have a successful relationship, they have to be friends before anything else. They have to be able to communicate with each other (even if it is through a blog, lol)..

So what do I do? I'm lost. If he were here, it'd be a different story. I would've already made the decision that I know in my heart that I wanna make. But he's so far away. I don't want to put him through any heartache. He doesn't deserve that. And even though I broke up with the other guy (we'll call him Lee)... Lee still wants to be friends... and is that fair to Gaius Baltar? I don't think so. But am I ready to just stop talking to Lee? No, I'm not.

So what do I do? I have feelings for GB, but I'm still trying to hold onto Lee.. even though I know Lee doesn't see a future with me.

Heck, I don't even know if GB sees one...

What's a girl to do? It'd help if I knew what GB was thinking.

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