O' hello, Cello.

So it's something I've thought about on numerous occasions. I've thought about learning to play the guitar, but always thought it sounded hokey. Every hipster, redneck and rockstar wannabe learns the guitar. I'm not that.

Something deep inside my soul tells me there is an elegance about me, that only few can see or understand.

When I was little, my godmother lived across the street from me, and nearly everyday after school I would go across the street and hang out with Carol and Gilbert. They were the sweetest people you've ever met in your life. Carol used to collect coins with my birth year on them throughout the year, and every year for my birthday she would give me a Leggs pantyhose box full of coins. She kept them in her music room, sitting atop her upright piano. Across the room from the piano sat an organ. Hanging on the walls were various violins and violas. I used to ask her if I could play them and she would let me..

The first time I ever dragged the bow across the strings, I felt so me. And I sat there, rocking the bow over the strings over and over in front of the organ as she sat at the chair a few feet in front of me.. I never wanted to stop playing that thing. But eventually I would, just because I knew if I didn't stop myself, I would do it forever. And she used to smile at me so big and tell me how wonderful it sounded.

But when I've thought on it in the past, I assumed she was just saying that to make this silly little girl happy. But now, thinking back on it, I remember when I took up the trumpet.. ha.

Nobody, not even Carol, entertained me about my talent, or lack thereof.

But for some reason, again.. tonight.. I started listening to the cello.

I've tried playing the guitar, see.. but I have a girly version of my grandfather's hands. I have long fingers, but they're broad and I have a hard time fingering the strings properly. When I was little, playing Carol's violin, my fingers danced over the strings like it was nothing. If I tried now, I am sure I wouldn't be able to do it as well.

So you have this big beautiful instrument, the cello. It resonates like a violin, except instead of chinning it, you hold it, embrace it.. while you play. Your body becomes one with the instrument as you play. It's got to be the most passionate instrument in the world. I've had dreams of playing a cello ever since I first saw one, when I was younger.

So tomorrow I think I will visit Carol. She doesn't have many visitors now since her children have grown and Gilbert passed a few years ago.. I'll return as if I was an eight year old girl with skinned knees and big dreams. Walk up those incredibly steep steps with what used to be tigerlillies (my favorite flower) growing alongside the wrought iron railing. See those ducks on the porch, that she dressed all year round, when I was little.. that she hasn't dressed since Gil died.

It makes me want to cry. In a way, I was closer to Carol and Gil than I was my own family. They appreciated me and the way I thought.. they helped me see the positive side of the world. And for that, I thank them with all my heart.

So my heart is swayed immensely just listening to this music, over and over. And you see the softer and more determined side of me, instead of the humorous or grumpy me. This is the side of me nobody ever gets to see, because I am usually trying to make jokes to deal with emotional issues that I can't handle otherwise. So maybe I will let this part of me breathe more often. Its bittersweet, peaceful, emotional and studious.. this side of me..

Life is all about experiencing each other, I think. The people you encounter, whether you realize it or not.. you take a piece of them as part of yourself. Everyone you meet molds you into something new. Changes your ideals. (Whether based on a good or bad experience, what you take from it.. that's solely up to you)

I've always dreamed of touching someone's life. I have this passionate fire burning inside me and instead of trying to put it out, why not let myself feed that fire until I can no longer be the only vessel for it..

I truly love you all. Your existence makes the world worth living in, whether you realize it or not.



Anonymous said…
i enjoyed reading this post - hope you can someday find a way to pursue the cello, as well as find time for the people you enjoy.

David in Maine

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