Talking BDSM & Relationships

DISCLAIMER: The following post is a bit sexually explicit (I think?) and if you are under the age of 18, please navigate to another page or skip this entry.


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BDSM. I've blogged about my troubles about it before. The problem with telling people you are into it is, for some reason, people think it gives them the green-light to do or say whatever they like afterward. That is NOT the case.


I don't know what people want to know about me.. so if you have questions, feel free to ask me, that's fine by me, and anything within reason will be answered..


Sexually I know what Im looking for, but I have yet to find it. And it doesn't help that I am extremely picky. But I'd rather be alone than deal with something I never bargained for...


I am not into submissive men.. ocassionally its okay (because lets face it, sometimes a girl gets the urge to dominate, and when my urge to dominate comes on, its on like Donkey Kong), but I need to be the primary submissive one in a relationship. This doesn't mean I want inequality. The thing about BDSM, is that, it is an even trade. One dominates, but if the submissive isn't okay with it, then it doesn't happen. The submissive wields the true power. The dominant can only be dominant if the submissive allows it. See what I am saying? And the submissive always has the choice of leaving, unless its some crazy contractual thing, but I'm not drawing a contract with anyone. Fuck that. 


Back to submissive men tho, I have never been into guys cross-dressing, for instance. Please understand that I am not discriminating against you for the things that turn you on, it's just not my taste. When you have more high heels than I do, something is wrong. 

Personally, I feel that a woman should be there for her man. I also believe the man should be protective of the woman. But in a D/s relationship, the man has to be man enough to realize when he demands too much from someone.

There is a fine line between being a Dom and being a controlling asshole.

I guess Ive been into the lifestyle for awhile (since about the age of 17 or 18) without even knowing it was a lifestyle, I just thought I was some kind of deviant. (Guess I am, lol, but I just found out there were more of us) Ive always been kind of a biter/nibbler. Ive always loved tying people up, or depriving them of their senses.. and I absolutely love a good mind-fuck. 

Im not going to lie, I am pretty picky when it comes to someone I would be intimate with.. 



  • I typically go for men with a stronger body build.. I would feel weird being intimate with someone who is stick thin...
  • I love nerdy guys. Talk techie, get instant attention, and maybe even a few sexy looks. Talk to me about CERN's large hadron collider, and I'll give you something to collide with.. Tell me you were a Jaffa or Harry Potter character for Halloween, and I'll probably marry you. Ha.
  • I love music and theatre addicts. There is something about loving the arts. Reminds me somewhat of my favorite movie, "The Libertine" when the Earl of Rochester (Johnny Depp) tells Elizabeth Barry "I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me in the theatre."
  • I love funny guys. I don't mean the guys who party all the time and think they're funny because they're drunk all the time. I mean a comedian. I heard once that the best way to describe a comedian is to say they are "a philosopher with a sense of humour." 
It's hard to find a nerdy, funny, attractive and artsy guy that is into bondage and that is approximately my age. And I am not into old men. I don't have a daddy complex. I don't need to be babied. *shakes head*

I am also tired of the people who are just "recreational" BDSMers - ie: a couple, looking to spice up their relationship by adding a third person. I am not okay with that. See here is the thing. If you start a relationship with ONE person, it should be exclusive to that person. I will not join you in the destruction of a relationship. Don't even bother asking.

There are also things in the BDSM community, called poly-amorous households. This, to me, is fine. Poly-am households are like this - There is a Master or Mistress in charge of the household, and he or she has many submissives. Why is this okay, you ask? Because the submissives know, going into the relationship, that it will not be exclusive. Sometimes the Master will fall deeply in love with a submissive, and marry them.. in which case they could continue the poly-am lifestyle together or become exclusive. I've known both to happen, and either way, it still seems okay to me because they were both active in the lifestyle together and if they decide to continue it, they understand the relationships.


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I would, some day, love to settle down and have a family and still have my darker side tho.. I want someone who can appreciate my personality. Its harder to find than you might think. I'm quirky and goofy. I sing in the car.. no, I do a full-on performance in the car. I play the drums on the steering wheel, sing, hop around in the seat, belt out my favorite lyrics and throw my arm out, like I am singing in an opera lol.. and sometimes in the middle of all that fun, I realize there is nobody in the passenger seat to appreciate me for these things. And that sucks. 

Music is a HUGE part of who I am. I play music when I blog, I play music when I shower, I play music when I drive.. I play music when I clean.. I mean, I honestly don't think there's anything I do without a soundtrack.. I even fall asleep with music playing 90% of the time. I'm a dreamer. I live in my head about 60% of the time. I also love to create things. Although, I always dream too big, and the things I try to succeed at always overwhelm me somehow. But you have to think of it this way. It's all or nothing, with me. I can't do baby steps, because it feels like I will never get there. If you are trying to reach a destination, you can't just decrease your distance by half each time.. Mathematically you will never get to where you want to be.


I'm full of ideas and useless knowledge. I'd like to consider myself a philosopher of sorts. I'm not like Aristotle or anything, but I think a lot about the human state. What makes us tick. What we need to do to better the human race.. I'm a 'peaceful revolutionary'.. 
I'm a nerd. When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. Now I would rather be an astrophysicist.. but that's a lot of school and money that I don't currently have... I truly want to travel to another planet and watch two moons rise and set on the horizon.. 


Also, my dog is a huge part of my life. My ideal guy would be okay with letting my dog sleep wherever he wants in the bed.. lol sometimes it'll be on my pillow, sometimes curled up on my feet, or the nape of my knees.. like I said, wherever he wants to sleep. Kick my dog out of bed and I'll kick you out of the bed. :)
I'm also adventurous but I'm one of the biggest chickens you will ever meet.
Explain that. I can't. I also tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I am quite easily impressed and easy to please most of the time. Sadly, I fall in lust often.


But for something serious to happen, I need the things above.


It was a long blog. I know. But is it all too much to ask?


xoxo



Comments

AngelicHapa said…
That bullet point list is essentially my ideal guy, too. =P (And is it just me, or do I see David Blue in all of that? XD)
Jessica Cha said…
Rach, see this is why I luff you. And it's not just you.. We should start a poly-am with him :P
Anonymous said…
My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!
Anonymous said…
I just added your blog site to my blogroll, I pray you would give some thought to doing the same.
Jessica Cha said…
how can i add you if i dont know who you are?

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