Just thinking + some rants..

So, today hasn't been the most exciting day.. Obviously had a hard time sleeping last night for all the dreams.. so I'm a bit worn down today..

Today was one of those days that almost felt surreal.. I felt like I wasn't really here, all day long.. Mentally displaced, maybe? It's not like I was really thinking about all that much, either..

I did get a car today, I saw it, it's a car.. lol it'll do. I was kinda hoping for a standard, but its an automatic.. that's the only thing I wasn't too enthused about.. it's a pretty color, kinda like a pixie dust blue.. not bad I suppose. But you know me, I don't really care too much about material things, as long as I have the basics..

The car looks a lot like this:


So anyway, I went to the auction, was there kinda early, ran some errands, got a notebook and started jotting down some ideas for the webseries.. the auction was slow tonight, not a lot of bidders, and the ones who were bidding were bidding way too low.. I mean, I understand that most people want something for nothing, but be realistic, people!

And as soon as I get home... well, after I played with my dog who was going nuts because he hadn't seen me in 5 hours.. I get on the computer, and people start messaging me. Now, if you happen to be one of those people messaging me, I don't care, but AS SOON as I get online? Really? You can't let me settle in first? It drives me nuts. I love all my friends, they have problems, so do I.. we're there for each other, but there is only so much consoling I can do, until I run out of things to say to you..

I'm a good person to turn to for problems and my friends know this, but I am not good at comfort. I give it to you like it is, because to me, thats comforting. I'm not in the business of lying to someone and telling them everything will be okay, when I know it wont be.. I know I must sound like a cold-hearted bitch right now, but I promise I'm not.. Im just honest, and I can't add anything else to honesty, and there is only so much I can say til it becomes dishonest or misleading.. and that's not how I do things..

I am really stoked for the cast meeting Sunday, of course.. and we've got some new cast members joining that Dallas recruited that I've never even met yet, so I'm kinda nervous.. I've noticed that me & Dallas have kinda taken the reigns on this, which is great, because Dallas is someone I know I can put confidence in when it comes to creative works..

There have been some others who showed enthusiasm at first, then seem to always be tied up when it comes time to be serious, so I think I am just gonna say 'oh well' with them even tho I like them a ton, and love working with them..

Other than that, I haven't really been thinking about too much else..

That's not entirely true, I suppose.. I have been thinking a lot lately about a specific person, obviously.. and I feel like I keep chasing things that aren't there.. I just wish this person would notice me, give a chance.. but I'm no prize, so why would they? Ya know? I guess I will just keeping wishing for the best, preparing for the worst, and keep doing what I'm doing..

I'm not cut out for this ordinary life scenario. I need to be out there, with a voice, for the other people who don't have one.. But I don't have one either, so the things I try to stand up for barely get noticed...

Except for last night, when I ran across the article about this little girl named Katie, who was being bullied for liking Star Wars.. and already felt alienated because she was the only adopted kid in her class, among other things.. and I tweeted it, then a few friends of mine retweeted, then a few friends of theirs retweeted, and the next thing you know, we've got amazing people like Alyssa Milano and Felicia Day tweeting about it. Katie made Star Wars news last night, she ended up on their official news reel by this morning, front page!

I was so happy, truly happy, for the longest time in my life. I helped someone that I will never know, and it was wonderful. I wish I could do that everyday. I wish I had the ability to be out there enough, that people would notice when I talk.. too many aspirations for one girl from the country? No. Never. :)

Well that's about it for now, I will leave you with a music video, that I am really in the mood for right now..

Enjoy, and goodnight. xoxo


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