Dreams to Reality (one day, I hope)
So last night, right before I went to bed I was thinking about someone, a guy. I am totally head over heels with said guy (we'll call him D., lol) and so I was thinking of how nice it'd be to meet him, etc..
Well last night I had the most amazing sequence of dreams, and I woke up after every single dream, went to sleep and had another and another.. you get the idea.. Anyway, so I had to get up and write this blog so I couldn't forget any more than I already have..
So first dream.. kinda scary.. We were all in some rundown place, kinda backwoods type of place (think - the old rickety house in the movie Skeleton Key, except closer to the bayou, and extremely rundown).. and there were these noises, cant explain them... and the entire time, people who go away from the group, who go to "investigate" the noises... die.. we'll me & D get in an old El Camino and we start driving.. as far as we could drive on the tank, and we get to some type of warehouse.. there were quite a number of them, but we opted for the one with the nice bald guy..
Thing is though, the sounds followed us there... I felt like game being hunted by a pack of dachshunds.. lol kinda silly, kinda entertained, but scared nonetheless.. and there was D, trying to figure a way out of the situation... then we stumble into the back of this warehouse, which is filled to the brim with old doll houses, full of creepy baby dolls, and D goes "ha, great. who wrote THIS?" all "FML"-like... twas cute..
Then the sounds approached, closer and closer, then a white "Coke" van drove away from the main gate, as if he knew something was coming and he was saying "Im outta here"... power started going out, we're walking around with flashlights and guns and they were trying to evacuate us somehow, i remember other people having guns.. not much sense.. anyway don't remember much after that, just waking up and being frightened, wanting to go back to sleep desperately, but at the same time, not wanting to...
Same El Camino, same D.
We're in the desert. At first it felt like a joyride (taking pictures, listening to the radio, giggling, laughing)... then it felt like maybe we were running from something... And then we're trying to find water.. I mean, I am going thru "we're about to die" emotional states, and he is too.. you feel pretty close to someone if you are both about to die... sounds super lame of me, but i would've been okay with his face being the last i'd ever see..
The landscape is monumental. The desert mountains looming in the background, over a great expanse of desert, and the sky was so beautiful. It was like ribbons of blue and pink danced across the sky. I couldn't even begin to tell you. It was like, early morning.. and we were obviously a couple and we were on the brink of dehydration, and we're holding hands driving super fast down the road.. and then we see it, a large body of water, a lake that was formed from a river being dammed up.. and there was a teacher with a group of students there, and a newscaster and her crew... for some reason we had to remain unnoticed tho, as we filled our canteens, like water was something sacred, or illegal to have.. but we did and we actually walked out of view, kinda around a mountain if you will, and jumped in the water and played and splashed.. was awesome...
so i wake up, and i'm like "screw this, i am SO going back to sleep" so then here we are... this dream starts off differently..
I'm not "with" D. in this dream, well, you'll see.
Anyway, the scene is some type of theatre. An awards show maybe? It felt like it.. Anyway, D. is sitting in a row, between two couples. He is relaxed and joking with them all.. (Meanwhile I am outside of this theatre, roaming the beach, enjoying myself, oblivious, but aware.. yeah, THAT makes sense, right? lol) **and yes, I am seeing the duality of the dream.. my dreams pan out like movies most of the time, weird but true..**
Anyway, one of the guys gets up and leaves his girlfriend/wife there.. Well she bends over, leans down in from of D. and it looks like he is getting 'pleasured'.. I feel incredibly jealous and hurt by this, then when she raises up I think its kinda funny, because I realize I was just seeing things that were not actually happening.. My brain proving to me in a dream, not to trust it. Ever. LOL. <3
Anyway, this time, i sorta half wake up , not fully and then, this. My favorite. The reason I didn't want to forget these...
we are all in a cast, for some type of production. we're all goofing off and clowning around.. having fun in general.. and of course, D. is there... but he doesn't realize I like him, or maybe its a mutual thing, neither of us knows, but neither of us are courageous enough to say something..
Anyway, its already fleeting, so I am tryin' to be quick, but I remember goofing off and making him laugh, and vice versa (we kinda started off in the group, and nobody else was getting our humor like we were, so it was like a natural separation, for us to talk together).. and then I sorta noticed that everyone was giving me the look, you know, the "come on! you guys are too good together, make a move already!" and i felt the same look coming from behind him, and he just kinda did this smile, one of those hopeless, shy "it'll never do any good" smiles, and we both looked away from each other, and parted company.. both of us obviously feeling something, just too bashful, maybe... too scared? who knows.. anyway...
so the cast party is goin' on through the night, the beach house is packed at the beginning, and filters out throughout the dream.. and then at the end of the dream, there's only 5 of us still awake.. I had already cleaned up the majority of the party mess, bc I didn't want to go down to the sand, for the awkward situation that would ensue, again... lol I avoid social awkwardness if I can... now you know..
Anyway, so in my dream I opt to blog instead.. and I do. (haha, are you surprised, I'm surprised) I blog about how its hard to be a woman, acting innocent and frail all the time, because society wants it that way... they don't wan't women to stir the waters, unless its boiling water, in a pot, in the kitchen (lol) and how its hard to have such strong feelings for somebody and to be afraid to let them know, bc you're afraid of being unorthodox about the whole thing, and because you feel like the person is just meant for greater things than just you.. it was a long blog, not going to re-enact the entire thing.. just know it was heartfelt and kinda heartbreaking... and i was pretty much telling the world in a blog "I'm never going to pursue this, because I know how this will end.. I'm too scared to get hurt by someone I truly like this much." and I pretty much write D. off, telling myself I have no chance..
Well I walk out onto the balcony, and its almost dawn, and the four of them are lying on the beach; D., two more guys and a blond chick.. it seems they'd been talking all night, and the one guy (we'll call B) was cuddled with the blond chick, and the other guy (we'll call J) was lying there with his hands behind his head, propped in the sand..
Anyway, so I am on this balcony, and I didn't know exactly where the four were, to begin with, but I was going out to watch the sun rise.. (which is probably my favorite thing to do at the beach..) and I'm out there with a mug of coffee, in a black longsleeve shirt and a pair of khaki shorts, barefoot.. and I get close to the railing on the balcony and Guy J whispers to D. that I'm up there and motions him like "there's your cue, buddy go, go ,go!".. and I happen to look down and see D. on his phone, reading my blog.
Already I'm mortified. Omg. He knows. He knows I wrote about him. Panic and embarrassment ensue. So I walk away from the edge of the balcony, and start around to the other side of the house (the deck wrapped around that entire level of the house) and by the time I make it to the other side of the house, here is D. covered in sand, coming up the stairs two at a time, to catch me.
I'm in shock.. I'm awed. I know how I feel about this guy, and my heart goes pitter-patter.. And he was all awkward at first like "I read what you wrote. I don't see women as innocent and frail at all. It takes a lot to be a woman, especially one I like." and by this time the other three had come up to the top of the stairs, kinda being nosy and excited to see what happens, standing in the background...
I stand there blinking.. I don't know what to do! did he just say he liked me? On the inside I am dancing and singing and having a little happy-fit in my mind but I cant find words. I never can..
And he just pulls me close him and kisses me, very passionate but sincere.
It was the most perfect first kiss you could imagine. And to boot, the sun rose during our kiss, behind us.. and it was the most beautiful sunrise in the history of sunrises.. and the other three cheered us on from the top of the stairs, and we both kinda blushed and gave each other the look..
And I woke up..
I just had to write these down, bc they were all very vivid and wonderful dreams, and if nothing else in my life, I'd like to remember the happiness I felt.. even if it was all just created by my own subconscious mind.. because the dreams are just another aspect of who you are. If you try to separate your "dreams" from your "reality" you lose sight of what YOUR life is truly about. Im in the business of making my dreams a reality.
How about you?