Well well well... Halloween kids completely took all my candy within the first hour of Trick or Treat...

I was inside for about 10 minutes, using the bathroom and left the candy dish on the porch and I heard candy wrappers rustling and kids giggling, came back and half the bowl of candy was gone... greedy lil fucks.

I shoulda poisoned 'em.

Anyway, so I dressed up as a Jaffa vampire... lol
For those of you who know what a Jaffa is, you know its probably impossible for them to catch "vampirism" but I thought it would be funny... so I did it... and Ill post some pics..

And Amanda is prolly havin a fuckin blast at LAX tonight, in the Luxor in Vegas... which is exactly where I would like to be, if the world wasn't so shitty at the moment...

First off... my car, whom Ive dubbed "Aruca" which is Acura spelled backwards... she is dying. First, she made it all the way cross country without a single problem. Did I mention this car is 13 years old? Yeah..

So then on the way from Ridgecrest to Barstow, she "catches a cold" I like to say.. actually what had happened was she blew a cylinder... and now she is only runnin' on three... and now to top it off, when you first start the car and it hasn't had the proper time to "heat up" it will blow smoke out the tailpipe...

Can't say Im surprised, really... it's her time to go, but it sucks with the economy being shit, can't get a job to save my life, the car is breaking down, I have really really really shitty credit (thats a long story I dont feel like discussing tonight) so yeah... would love to be in Vegas, sharing that VIP table with you all in LAX but I guess thats just my luck.


Oh and there's a Halloween party tonight at 10... its 8:45 and Im debating on whether or not I should go...


Apologies in Order by Mr Gee


my friend Mr. Gee, who is the most amazing lyricist and poet I know of... he wrote this poem on his myspace after Russell Brand's show got sacked from the BBC Radio 2... In case you didn't know, Mr. Gee is close personal friends with Russell and also worked on the show with him... If you dont know about the incident that caused this, you can find it on my blogspot page... just scroll down to the "Oh Russell, my Russell" entry...

This poem says everything I've been thinking lately and I hope you all really understand the message here.

xoxo jess

Apologies in Order

If you mix the components of sex and celebrity,

It forms the perfect remedy for credit crunch therapy,

Add to that a scandal mishandled, so an editor's angle,

Is to form a loving triangle,

A salacious fandango,

Little Britain needs someone to be made an example,

So the critical factors surrounding the bawdiest of banter,

Over "Who slept with who", "Who said what",

Is now a political matter(?)

In Parliamentary chapters,

MP's examine trashy insults,

The wagon circle's full of actors,

Who'll join the band and indulge?

Until the final pin drops,

It's getting colder outside,

It's getting darker much earlier,

Are you taking me for a ride?

I know that drama sells papers,

Whether envisioned or inflated,

The media merry-go-round,

Has come to your town,

As a scapegoated crown is created,

The only glitch in the matrix,

Is that the economy still ain't fixed,

Recession will probably hit,

Unless you've clocked a lottery win,

So honestly then,

If "drama" pays the rent,

Why do you think that outrageous behaviour is the flavour?

It oils the machine from within,

So let's apologise for schoolboy attacks,

But who apologises for going into Iraq?

Who apologises for a mother's cry over a son who's never coming back?

Since apologies are called for, let's not veer from the track,

Who apologises for troop deployment?

A disabled soldier's unemployment,

What's worse: "A bridge too far" or "A joke too far"

Bad political judgement or pop culture enjoyment?

So apologise for dumb pranks,

But apologise for dumber tanks,

Apologise for the cost of a dumb war which crumbled our banks,

If all the world is a stage,

And its clowns now have you enraged,

Think about the apologies never given,

Which turn playgrounds into graves,

© Mr Gee 2008


So I've decided...

I don't think I mesh well with about 99% of the population... mainly because I am pretty distrustful of people and I always think they have ulterior motives, which I am sure is really the case 75% of the time... the other times, its possible it could just be my imagination.

It's hard to trust people tho, bc it seems that no matter how good a person you are and how many good deeds you do for others, it will all come back to throw dirt in your eye. There have been many times I've done things for people and got walked on afterward...

Growing up, my life was nothing if not a tragedy. I used to be quite nice. A few of my old friends can attest to this, it is true... I use to be very naive and helpful and kind. I used to go out of my way to help people, even tho I were a bit shy. Yes, that part is true too... hard to believe I used to be shy... truth is, I still am, especially around people I hold with a high regard..

Like the first time I got on stage at the Funnybone... I got completely sauced beforehand so I wouldn't know how it went, so I couldn't worry myself with it all... I can only remember maybe a minute or two of my set before the alcohol took over and erased the rest from my mind as it happened... although I was told by quite a few people that I was really funny, I honestly couldn't tell you most of my act.

I am a very bad people person, because once I got off the stage, this scrawny white girl with nappy lime green dreadlocks came up to me and was like "OMG You have a great stage presence! That never happens the first time up! Stick with it girl, you're goin' places!"

Well aside from being the sweetest person I remember encountering that night, she scared the living fuck outta me, since I had no clue as to who she was... so I, being pretty drunk and coming down from a "performance high" say back to her "OMG thanks so much, I was really scared! But Im gonna go sit down now, thanks!"

Then I'll be damned if Rob (the MC) didnt introduce Melanie Malloy (whom I was opening for) and the lime green dreadlocks swung back n forth as she got on stage.

"Shit." I thought to myself an ordered another 1800 double shot marguerita on the rock with salt... and I just sat there the rest of the night with my friends and drank to my hearts content...

I don't even remember going home. How's that for people skills?
You know, it's not easy for me to open up to people who will eventually judge who I am...
It takes a rare form of bravery to be a public person. I am trying to get there, but I feel like I am running out of time for some reason.

Weird huh?


Yay! Phil made my day a bit better!

So, one of my favorite fellow youtubers, Amazing Phil, posted this video and it made me laugh... which I really needed after learning there will be no more Russell Brand on BBC Radio 2..... watch the video, its fantabulicious :)


Russell Resigned from Radio 2 :(

Russell resigns from Radio 2


No on Prop 8


I made this little banner thing in hopes people will pass it around.
I truly feel that people are voting, not based on their knowledge of law and good humanitarianism, but on their personal beliefs... which is about as daft a thing you could do... it's not like voting for a representative. This is a law which will or will not be enforced. The law needs to be just and fair.

They give us an opportunity to vote, but it doesn't mean the ill-informed misguided voters know what they're actually doing.

What if they passed a law saying people with blue eyes couldn't marry other blue-eyed folks?

Bet they wouldn't. You see where I am going with this?

I hope so.


Im thinking of writing a book about my life...

I've been reading Russell Brand's "My Booky Wook" and I am seriously thinking about writing an autobiography myself. (Well duh, who else would write it? Hence the AUTO-Biography... )

I would really like to do it, but there are times in my life that I completely do not want to re-live. Plus, my life has definitely not been dull, but so far, I am a nobody. My life is very traumatic, which while I am sure it might sell itself, I don't want to let people in that deep.

I am sure, on another level, it would be great to have people around the world (wishful thinking) read my story and relate... who knows, I may even meet someone else who needs to let it all out and maybe I'll inspire someone else like Russell has inspired me...

But again at the same time, I am afraid of just coming outright with it all. If you guys only knew...

I guess what I am trying to say is, I want to write it but I need to accept my life first. I doubt it would ever make Oprah's book club lol, but fuck it...

Should I do it?


My Russell, dear Russell lol...


Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross could face prosecution after obscene on air phone calls

The BBC could face prosecution over obscene phone calls that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand made to 78-year-old Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs.

The controversial presenters left a series of lewd messages on Mr Sachs's answerphone claiming, in shockingly explicit language, that Brand had had sex with his granddaughter, Georgina.

Mr Sachs, who played waiter Manuel in the classic sitcom, was left deeply upset by the crude calls – which were also broadcast to about two million listeners to Brand's Radio 2 show. And Georgina's distraught mother, Kate, said last night: 'It's awful.'

Russell Brand
Jonathan Ross

Astonishingly, senior BBC executives cleared the offensive messages for broadcast, even though making abusive phone calls is a criminal offence.

Last night, the Corporation faced calls for disciplinary action to be taken against their highly-paid stars, with one Tory MP saying they had 'overstepped the mark'.

Mr Sachs's agent said his client had been 'terribly hurt' by the comments and had made a formal complaint to the BBC.

The calls about his granddaughter were made during an episode of Brand's Saturday night Radio 2 programme, co-hosted by Ross to help publicise his new book.

Shortly before they contacted Mr Sachs for a pre-arranged telephone interview, Brand said: 'In a minute we're going to be talking to Andrew Sachs, Manuel actor. The elephant in the room is, what Andrew doesn't know is, I've slept with his granddaughter.'

Andrew Sachs

The comedian then rang Mr Sachs. When the veteran actor didn't answer his telephone, Brand left a message during which Ross shouted 'He ****** your granddaughter!', generating raucous laughter from the studio.

Ross subsequently speculated that Brand had 'enjoyed' Georgina on a swing. The pair then decided to ring Mr Sachs again to apologise. When he repeatedly failed to answer, Ross and Brand left three further messages, making the situation worse.

During one message, Brand said: 'I wore a condom.' In another, which took the form of an impromptu song, Brand sang: 'I'd like to apologise for the terrible attacks, Andrew Sachs . . . I said some things I didn't of oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter, though it was consensual . . . it was consensual lovely sex. It was full of respect, I sent her a text, I've asked her to marry me, Andrew Sachs.'

Ross could be heard singing quietly to himself: 'Your granddaughter ...she was bent over the couch...'

Later in the programme Brand even joked about the idea that Mr Sachs might consider suicide as a result of their comments.

Imagining a news bulletin, he said: 'The main news again. Manuel Andrew Sachs hung himself today...'

Brand's show sometimes goes out live, but the offending episode was prerecorded to fit around Brand and Ross's other commitments. According to the BBC, 'a senior editorial figure signed off the programme, including its strong language, before it was broadcast'.

The show, which aired between 9pm and 11pm on October 18, remained on the BBC's iPlayer website last week, where listeners could hear it again.

Ross, 47, and Brand, 33, are among the BBC's highest-paid stars. Ross
is paid £6million a year for his TV chat show, Radio 2 show and film review programme, while Brand is thought to be paid a six-figure sum for his weekly radio show.

The pair, who are close friends, are notorious for their use of swear words and have courted controversy throughout their careers. In 2006 Ross caused a storm by asking Conservative leader David Cameron if he had ever had teenage sexual fantasies about former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher 'in stockings' and referring to a lewd act.

Brand, who once dated Kate Moss, caused outrage in July for making a prank call to Northamptonshire Police, claiming he had spotted a sex attacker. And in 2006, he became embroiled in a public row with Rod Stewart after boasting at an awards ceremony that he had slept with the rocker's daughter, Kimberly.

During the Radio 2 show in which they offended Mr Sachs, both men also discussed what it would be like to have sex with actress Helen Mirren.

Ross also appeared to breach the terms of his lucrative BBC contract by indicating his support for Labour. He said: 'I like him [Gordon Brown]. If I could say where I'm going to vote, I'd vote for them. But I can't say where I'm voting because I'm forbidden by my BBC contract.'

Mr Sachs, who was born in Germany but emigrated to Britain in 1938 to escape the Nazi persecution of Jews, still works regularly on TV and radio, including Radio 4's spiritual programme Something Understood.

A spokesman for the actor said: 'Andrew is deeply upset by this and terribly hurt. He can't understand why it happened and was particularly sorry that they kept leaving messages on his answerphone.'

Last night, Kate said her 23-year-old daughter did not want to comment.

A BBC spokesman said: 'Two complaints were received regarding Russell Brand's show on October 18.' But he would not reveal their content, saying that they were for 'internal use'.

He added: 'We are not aware of any complaint being made by
Mr Sachs.'

Anyone found guilty of making malicious or abusive phone calls can be fined or sentenced to up to six months in prison, although a Scotland Yard spokesman said there was no record of Mr Sachs filing a complaint.

Tory MP Philip Davies said: 'I know Jonathan Ross has been handsomely rewarded by the BBC for being rude, inappropriate and as vile as possible, but I would hope that even the BBC would accept he's overstepped the mark this time.

'In any other walk of life, anyone who did this type of thing would face serious disciplinary proceedings.

I hope the BBC will consider what consequences there may be if they don't take him to task for this.'

Last night, Brand, clearly worried about the listener backlash against his phone calls, made a sniggering, mealy-mouthed apology on his show.

He said: 'It was quite funny, but sometimes you mustn't swear on someone's answerphone, and that's why I'd like to apologise personally.'

But he then replayed the most offensive of last week's calls, and said: 'It might not be popular, with its barbershop style, but on the other hand I did rhyme "consensual" with "menstrual".'

Brand's spokesman said they had nothing to add to the BBC's comments, while Jonathan Ross's agent did not return calls.